A Fruking Story
by 986Weapons689
Summary: Crack that contains fangirls/boys, the yaoi duo, insane people, closet shippers, stupid things, homestuck and of course, scones.
1. THE CALL

chapter1: ze call =w=

Hungary sighed as she continued to sweep one of the small dusty corners of Austria's huge mansion, wondering if this is how the rest of her life was going to be like.

_When will my life begin? _

She thought, then slapped herself.

"Nope, not going to go all Rapunzel on this."

But either ways Hungary felt hundred percent done with this shit always cleaning that stupid aristocrat's house.

So done that she snapped the broom in half out of rage and threw it out the window so hard that it knocked a spying Romania off his perch on that tree outside. Fortunately for Austria before she could go on a rampage about how she was tired of this shit and break everything the phone rang. Starving of legit human contact Elizaveta practically pounced at it then tried to regain her composure since this must be some serious shiz.

"Jó napo-erm- Guten Morgen."

"H-hungary-kun…"

"_Japan_?" Hungary immediately went on fangirl mode at the sound of her partner-in-crime's voice.

He sounded like he was having a nosebleed.

Oh this had to be good.

She squished her face against the phone in anticipation.

"_What is it?_" she asked in a golumn like voice.

"E-engrand…and…. France…"

A psychopathic, pervy smile that could have sent a rapist running away screaming, cut across the Hungarian's face.

"come ngggnow.. ..bring camera—"  
"YES!" she screamed.

She slammed the phone down unable to contain the rabid shipper surging inside her. Elizaveta went all ninja (screw races Europeans can go all ninja too) suited up and grabbed her stalker equipment plus some tissue for the nosebleeds she knew were coming.

"Roderich I'm going out!" she declared.

Hungary triple back flipped out the door all bamf and accidentally stepped on Romania in the process.

"No! Hungary wait!" Austria screamed. But it was too late his maid/bodyguard was gone and he was left alone with the white-haired intruder.

"Kesesesese! Oh Roddy~" the albino sang , holding something up.

If only Hungary had tripped on Romania or paused for a second she would have heard her ex-husband's screams as he was tickled senseless as some sort of sick revenge by the Prussian.

* * *

**_Author's note: This is crack written by me and me partner in crime wikivikiki we own nothing except for maybe a few oc countries like Aph Philippines, Aph Scotland, and the fans which appear very briefly so yeah_**

**_also_**

**_Jó napot [Hungarian]= good morning _**

**_or i could be wrong because google translate's stupid so if it is indeed wrong kindly inform us :3_**


	2. da sea of shippers be scared

chapter2: England, France and the Sea of Shippers~

"Unhand me you bloody frog!" England screamed, struggling against the Frenchman's grip.

"Non! I can't! My people need you!" He replied.

"I don't care! You frogs can go find some other way to get back on your feet! Now, unhand me or I will send my navy after you, and you'll become even poorer!" France just sighed.

"Oh what a terrible fate has been brought upon my beautiful self to be brought so low as to marry a selfish, brainless barbarian like you?"

A tear dropped out of his eye for extra drama.

"WHAT?! For anything I should be the one complaining, being dragged away by a shallow-minded pervert like you!"

The two men didn't notice the rustling in the bushes where two figures armed; with cameras stood. Hungary was bleeding like mad.

"Hnngggh! They're so freaking hot together I can't handle this sexual tension anymore!"

"Shhh patience Hungary-chan they'll get there." Japan said, quietly readying his handkerchief.

"Can we call the fangirls for back up to speed things up?"

"NO!" Japan screamed, getting his partner to panic and shoving him under the bush with his own handkerchief stuffed into his mouth.

Who would have known the fanboy could be so scared of his fellow shippers. Fortunately for them their targets were too absorbed in their argument to notice. Japan got back up immediately scream-whispering in rapid-fire Japanese.

"Don't call them! Last time they knew about these heists I ended up locked in a basement with Greece separated from his cats. That man couldn't keep his head together without his cats!"

"Calm yo tits!"

Hungary said, lightly bopping his head with her frying pan to knock some sense back into him.

"Okay I won't call them, those two look like they're headed for that secluded spot anyway." She said with another one of her pervy faces.

While the two sat there all happily in their stalking corner, talking about "battle strategies" without a care in the world, they didn't notice they were being watched by one of the world's most dangerous beings.

"Pairing spotted, pairing spotted. Yaoi duo on the move as suspected." The Hungarian spy whispered into her phone as a mint green bunny flew above her head.

"Which pairing?" asked the Japanese man on the other end.

"FrUk located in my position and I think I heard some Pruaus back in the mansion."

She said, playing a recording of Austria's high-pitched squeals and Prussia's Kesesesesese's.

"Alert the others."

"Copy that."

A clack and a click later the word was spread in all the languages known to the fandom.

A moment later, Japan met up with Hungary, crouching down beside her as they moved closer and closer to their targets. He felt a random shiver go up his spine and immediately whipped his head around to look behind him.

"What is it?" Hungary asked, following his gaze.

He narrowed his eyes.

"I sense a disturbance in the force."

Hungary suddenly felt the ominous disturbance as well and fell silent until only the bickering pair could be heard. Suddenly there was a faint rustle from the tree across them and they saw a black figure hanging upside down and snapping pictures at the couple.

"Fuck!" they cursed quietly. They've been found.

England continued to violently wiggle out of his enemy's grip.

"Calm down Angleterre, it's just marriage!"

"Marriage involves intercourse and to make things worse it's marriage to you I'd rather marry that insane Hungarian than so much as have tea with you!"

Japan took a step away from Hungary as a dark aura began to surround her. France looked offended (making Hungary's aura darken even more) and couldn't seem to hold his emotions back anymore.

"B-b-but why? You know I don't believe love can be forced on people—-." Fortunately before the author could be carried away with hurt/comfort shiz England finally broke out of France's grip in his moment of weakness.

"Then you shouldn't have forced me to marry you!" with that he whipped out his most feared and powerful weapon: a white stick with a yellow star on top.

His magic wand.

Everyone watching (especially Francis) gasped at the sight of such a threatening object.

"Now I can turn you into a real frog!"

Everything seemed to go in slow mo as the rainbow sparkles shot out of his wand and hit the Parisian square in the chest as he screamed in fear of losing his oh so beautiful face.

When the bright light and glitter cleared, revealing the creature Francis had become, all the yaoi shippers that had gathered to watch left, groaning.

Instead of a frog standing where Francis had stood was a blonde girl still screaming from when the spell had hit her. The sight made England stand frozen, staring in shock at the sudden turn of events and caused random heteroshippers pop out from nowhere, which didn't improve the yaoi duo's mood because it was getting was a miracle that the dense couple hadn't noticed they were being stalked yet.

Either that or they were just that fucking dense.

France finally stopped screaming when he felt that his hair was still there. Then his eyes widened when he looked down to see that he had been turned into a girl. He looked up to see England with his mouth gaping and burst out laughing. England scowled and turned a little pink.

"What's so funny frog?" He (or is it she now? -.-) stopped laughing to give him one of his pervy faces.

"Like what you see Arthur?"

"No, I bloody don't!" He replied with his cheeks getting slightly redder.

France finally picked himself-herself-(I don't know anymore) from the floor and grabbed the Englishman's arm again.

"Perhaps you'll want to marry me now that I'm a lady mon cher?" He-she-whatever you want to call this guy- said seductively, making one of the departing yaoi shippers gag.

"No I don't!" England twisted his arm out of his/her grip making a sudden wave of emotions surge through the blonde's mind and sent him/her collapse on the floor crying because France just can't handle the female hormones having a frenzy in his mind. It automatically turned Arthur's gentleman mode on and, unable to resist,of running away he kneeled at his enemy's side.

"Oh no please don't cry." France continued to sob. "I can't help it *sniff* it's just- FUCKING HORMONES MAN. Mon dieu this is so out of character, Arthur please hit ze author for me."

So England did just that and threw one of his infamous scones at the figure that had been hanging upside down on a tree, making her fall down cursing. "Are you okay?" A second figure asked, poking her head out from the tree.

"There's two of them!" France yelled. England threw another scone at the tree next to the one earlier making another ninja like person fall but instead of cursing she had begun to nibble on the scone. What the fuck?

"Oi! Wank off you bloody twats!"

The first figure finally stood up, picked up the scone from the ground, eye twitching then aimed it at the Englishman's head. "No!" The first figure yelped, grabbing the scone from her partner. She began munching kawaiily on it too. England, as well as Yaoi and hetro shippers alike, starred at the two figures wondering what the fuck was happening.

And it gave the gendershuffled French person an idea. Before the England could say anything, France grabbed England's wand from him, twirling it in his-her (ah! I give up!) fingers.

"Come on mon cher," France said coyly, putting the wand between her lips, as if it were a rose, "come and get it, pour moi…"

England's face turned incredibly red, opening his mouth to retort but was unable to say anything.

"H-h-Hungary-chan!" Japan whisper-yelled. She handed him the other handkerchief, (she herself was using the first) but it was too late. Blood began spurting from his nose. He quickly grabbed it from her, and continued taking pictures. Boy, was this good.

Fangirls were fainting left and right, whether they were Yaoi or not. France was just being too damn sexy!

"Give that back, you gormless pikey!" England yelled, throwing a scone at France.

His attitude had completely turned around at her pervy behaviour.

"How-how dare you!" France screeched, blasting a wave of rainbow-coloured magic at England.

When the smoke cleared, it was revealed that England had been turned into a girl as well! All of a sudden, a horde of Yuri shippers stampeded through the forest, crashing and banging about, running over some other shippers and snapping pictures here and there. A purple aura appeared around England. His, or rather, her eyes darkened.

"YOU- YOU CHEESE EATING SURRENDER MONKEY TROLLOP SCRUBBER!" She screamed.

It seemed that the horror-imones were affecting England as well. (Get it?) France stood there shocked, not knowing exactly what the insult meant, but knowing it must have been bad.

"Oh, Angleterre," She said, a playful, yet cruel tone in her voice, "even in this feminine state, you still cannot compete with my superior beauty and intelligence."

She proceeded posing superiorly supermodel-like before the still shorter English person. England's face turned a dark red, and she launched herself at France. She crashed against France, sending the both of them tumbling hard to the ground. The Yuri shippers gasped, snapping pictures and wiping nosebleeds. The hetero and Yaoi's groaned, hoping that something else would happen. Finally England managed to get the wand back, and accidentally smacked herself in the forehead, turning herself back into a guy. But, now a small trail of blood was trickling down his forehead where he had accidentally hit himself.

"Oh my, look at that boo boo!" France said, kissing his forehead.

She smiled sweetly at England as his face turned a bright red. Sure, France was hot as a girl, but he-she was still, well, FRANCE! The Yuri and Yaoi shippers groaned, they hadn't gotten nearly enough pictures. The hetero shippers however, snapped as many pictures as possible before fainting due to their massive nosebleeds. England tried to scramble away from France, but instead, tripped over her, turning himself into a girl once more. The Yuri shippers turned their attention back to them once more, knowing their time could be short. France now held the wand in her hand, repeatedly smacking herself in the head with it.

"Bipity-bopity-boo!" She tried. "Abaracadabra! Hocus pocus! Open sesame!" England launched herself at France before she could break her wand even more.

They were enveloped in a haze of smoke and rainbows as they fought. Yuri, Yaoi and hetro shippers alike stood side-by-side, as they shook in terror, holding each other, confused as to who was which gender at the moment.

One of the rainbow beams hit Canada who turned out to be a closet shipper. He (now she or whatever) fell to the ground now as a girl. Panicked that he-erm-she bleh tried scrambling into some bushes only to be roughly pushed away.

"I've been exposed! I've been exposed! HIIIIIDE MEEEEE!" she whisper-screamed.

"No we're full! Find yer own bloody bush!"

"But they might find meee haaaalp!"

"You're like their fucking child! Of course you fucking ship them! Can you imagine if he found out we, his own brothers shipped them? NO FUCK THAT YOU SAW NOTHING."

Fortunately just as a beam hit the Brits' bush Canada had been pulled back up another tree, leaving them to scream and cry from their transformation.

"Merci Piri."

"Walang anuman Matt~"

The two bros smiled at eachother until they heard clicks right beside them.

They looked beside them and their eyes met an equally surprised Seychelles' holding a camera.

Then the branch they were sitting on cracked and the three dorks fell on their fellow genderbent dorks below them.

Beams were being fired left and right, hitting the unsuspecting fan girls now boys

"Wait how are you not hit?" they asked the remaining girl next to them.

"I _was_ hit! How am I supposed to become a real brony now?"

The fangirls-fanboys stared at their companion who had broken into tears, wondering what the fuck a brony was even doing there. Meanwhile a random American who had been blogging quietly in a bush about what was happening next to her kizmesis/shot- I mean a girl called Steve for some reason who, she hated.

"Move your ass Texan I can't see what's happening,"

"You're the one taking so much space!"

The two started bickering and shoving eachother until the random American fell out f their hiding place.

"Gog dammit Steve!" she cursed as she stood up and tried brushing herself off until a beam hit her quite forcefully making her fall.

Steve saw what she had done and dramatically held her lov/beheaded- companion screaming "NOOOOOOOO!"

Unfortunately everyone was too busy dealing with hormones or arguing to notice but if they did I think they would have started tearing up the way me and my co-author were at the moment as we continued snapping pictures of them like the sick potatoes we were.

Suddenly the genderbent guy pushed her-coughs-his belove/slapped-fellow fan's face away and got back up.

"Dude I'm not dead. I'm just male now, weird. Did you get hit or anything? Not that I care." He quickly added.

The other blonde rolled her eyes and got shot too making the other guy laugh his ass off. "Shit."

Things were seriously getting out of hand.

The battle raged on, hitting more and more people over and over again until they were all gender confused.

Meanwhile some managed to crawl to Canada and asked that she lead them the way the prophecies of old have told them:

_the lil shit lying ontop of the pile of confused closet nerds shall lead you into battle._

"My time has come."

The Canadian said standing up as the wind dramatically blew her hair and the nations below groaned from his weight. And so he began strategizing with them.

Meanwhile England screamed, and SHE came out of the cloud, a male France sat on the ground with the wand in his hand, confused. But then, they saw it. England was cradling an unconscious flying mint bunny in her arms.

"Oh Angleterre…" France said; his face instantly fell.

He had never meant to actually hurt England. In fact, he wanted to do the complete opposite.

"Don't touch me!" England screamed, but did nothing when France wrapped his arms around her. She turned into France's embrace, crying into his shoulder as she held the limp bunny in her arms. Fangirls hung their heads in sorrow, but snapped their heads up at what they heard next.

"Wait what is this?" France reached down and opened a zipper that had mysteriously popped out of the bunny's belly.

Out popped a screechy alien thing with nubby horns.

" I TOLD YOU IT WAS A DUMBASS IDEA TO HIDE IN A FUCKING BUNNY NEPETA."

Then another gray cat humanoid thing jumped out of the mint thing.

"But it was the only way to get closer to our otp, Karkat."

"NO SHUT UP SHUT UP THEY MIGHT HEAR US HOLY SHIT I CANNOT BE ANYMORE EMBARRASSED."

Then he froze and closed his mouth for a second as he noticed that everyone plus England and France were staring at him.

"ARADIA FORGET THIS WHOLE DUMBASS OPERATION AND TAKE US BACK HOME. BUT FIRST MAY I JUST SAY FUCK YOU GUYS."

He said glaring at the two countries, then seeing France smirk at him added.

"IN FACT FORGET 'FUCK YOU' NO GO FUCK EACHOTHER AND ALL YOU FUCKASSES FORGET YOU EVER SAW ANYTHING. COME ON ARADIA LET'S GO AND TAKE THESE FREAKS WITH US TOO BEFORE THEY CAN MESS UP THEIR FUCKING TIMELINE."

And then another gray humanoid ram thing stepped out of the bunny skin.

"Actually that was Strider's doing."

"WELL THEN FUCK HIM THAT'S HIS PROBLEM. LET'S JUST GO."

"Here's your bunny back~" The cat thing said releasing a completely healthy mint bunny that flew circles around the two coupl/stabbed countries before disappearing with the other two grey aliens.

"Awwww!" The horde cooed, the cuteness was unbearable! But, that cuteness was short lived when England realized who she was hugging.

"You-you-you bloody frog!" She screeched, "Give me back my wand."

France smiled. "But Angleterre, now that you are Female, do you not want to marry me? Aren't your female hormones making you even more attracted to my charm?"

"Why you-!" She was interrupted by a certain someone.

"The hero is here!" America called, but stopped short when he saw England.

"Wow," he though, his face turning red, "she's cute!"

"A-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-America!" She stuttered.

"Um, _excuse_ me?" France said, mean girls style appalled at how someone could steal the limelight from him (this man really has his priorities straight).

Okay, she was sooooooo cute! You know, except for the fact that she was England. But, before he could say anything, England lunged at France, grabbing the wand from him, trying to turn herself back into a male. But, before she could do so, a horde of shippers, lead by a female Canada, slammed into her. The beam went awry and hit America straight in the chest!

"Canada you FREAK!" America screamed, lunging at Canada. But, she tripped and crashed into Canada, knocking the both of them to the ground in quite an awkward position. England's wand had fallen to the ground somewhere, and she was trying desperately to find it as the USUK, CanAme, Franada, FrUS and FrUK shippers ran wild.

They were fighting with eachother, some questioned on which their loyalties lied, while others tred to keep the peace only to get hit by the line of fire consisting of scones, baguettes, hockey pucks and frozen patties and the rest struggled to continue in their blogging and picturing. It was truly a battle to rival that of J.R.R. Tolkien's nerd bible. England accidentally bumped into a pair of legs, and when she looked up to see who they belonged to, she saw France. But it wasn't just that, he was holding her wand.

"YOU BLOODY GIT GIVE THAT BACK!"

"Hmmm… let me think about that. Wait- non." England tackled France and rainbows went flying everywhere.

Japan and Hungary tried their best to protect themselves from the flying rainbows, but they couldn't. Hungary was the first to get hit.

"Hungary-chan!" Then Japan himself got hit.

"Wow I am hot." Hungary said smiling and flexing her more prominent muscles, completely satisfied with himself.

"Hungary!" Japan whispered urgently.

"Yeah?"

"Is-is that who I think it is?" A figure began approaching the chaos in the forest.

"Hey, isn't that-"

"EVERYBODY STOP FIGHTING."


End file.
